


Cup of Tea

by Toothlessturtle21



Series: Zangst Collection (Ninjago) [8]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst and Feels, Crying, Gen, Rated Mature for a REASON, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, TW: Suicide, suicidal character, zangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toothlessturtle21/pseuds/Toothlessturtle21
Summary: Zane is about to jump off a bridge, suicide note prepared and pinned, when an unexpected visitor screws with his plans.
Series: Zangst Collection (Ninjago) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1468231
Comments: 17
Kudos: 85





	Cup of Tea

Zane sat on the railing, letting his feet swing with the breeze as he stared up at the sky. He wanted to engrave the image onto his eyes, so that when he fell it would be the last thing he'd see, regardless of what way he was facing when he hit the water below. Despite the wind, there was almost no movement in the river far beneath him, perfect for the optimal water tension to erase any possibility of failure.

The note he had written with shaky hands was stuck into the wooden beam beside him with one of his shurikens, the other star still looped onto his belt. Hopefully no criminals decide to make the best of that night, as there was no ninja patrolling the city as there should have been. His thumbs rubbed into the wood grain, small splinters threatening to pierce his skin. Not like it would really matter anyway. Once he was at the bottom of the river, nobody would care if he had scraped fingers.

The night was cool and incredibly peaceful, so much so that he almost felt bad tainting it for his teammates, who were asleep on the Bounty as he sat, no one aware of the Ice Ninja's faulty patrol. He was on breakfast duty tomorrow morning, he remembered. He should've taken himself out of the rotation, Jay is going to be sorely disappointed when there's no pancakes waiting for him on the table.

Zane began to shift his weight towards the edge, his feet tingling as he peered down, the night making it hard to see the water beneath, but he knew it was there. He glanced up at the sky one more time, and was about to make the final plunge when a voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Zane, what are you doing?"

The android whipped his head around to see his Sensei standing as if nothing was wrong, his gaze not even flickering to the suicide note stuck on his opposite side.

"Enjoying the stars," Zane half-lied, not moving from his position on the railing. Wu stepped beside him, not joining him entirely, but close enough to grab his gi if he should jump.

"You and I both know that's wrong, my student."

Zane didn't answer, swinging his feet once more, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering for an entirely different reason.

"How did you find me here, anyway?" Zane asked, fingers itching to rip the paper off the pole and hide it. Nobody was supposed to see it until he was dead.

"I had this dream, horrible really," Sensei leaned on his staff, feigning leisure. "I dreamt of the team in mourning, Zane. I noticed everyone was there except for you. When my dream suddenly cut away to a vision of this bridge, which just so happened to be in the part of the city that you were patrolling tonight, I knew it was no coincidence."

"Have you always been so prophetic?" The Ice Ninja asked dryly, bringing one leg up to sit in a half-crossed position.

"It is both a blessing and a curse. Now, perhaps we should no longer make small talk," Sensei turned his face towards his student, who seemed almost fearful. "What were your true intentions, Zane?"

"I am planning to commit suicide tonight, Sensei," He stated, as if he was discussing the weather. "I have been mulling my situation over, and I have decided that it is best that I am no longer functioning."

"Why not alive?" Wu asked, acting as if hearing one of his own pupils admitting to something so horrific so easily didn't terrify him. "You have seemingly never had an issue with referring to yourself as such."

"Ah, seemingly being the key word there, Sensei," The android pointed out. "In order to be living, I would have to have cells, reproduce, and gain energy from consuming nutrients."

"Zane, you and I both know that-"

"Do we?"

The pair stared at each other for a brief moment, and Wu knew he had to correct his course of action very quickly.

"Of course we do," His tone grew softer, more gentle as not to scare his student. "Being alive and being conscious are two very different things, Zane. You don't have to be alive to be living."

"That is where you and the media disagree," The Ice Ninja smiled sadly. "I was reading an article just earlier today. The title was, 'Can robots be trusted: a debate over AI sentience'. The entire thing was merely a poorly-disguise attack on myself, if you were to read it. I believe Jay calls it subtweeting, if I recall correctly."

"Where is this going?"

"My point is that I am _not_ equal to the other ninja, and I will never be," Zane stared straight ahead. Wu fiddled with his staff in his hand, aware that he had seemingly hit the crux of the issue.

"You are not inferior to the others, Zane. Have any of them planted this idea in you?"

"No, not directly," The Ice Ninja blinked back tears, and Sensei inched closer, fearful of the unthinkable. "But the way they interact with each other versus how they interact with me... there is no doubt in my mind."

"Can you give me an example, please?"

"One time, a few months ago, we had just come back from a battle. They were showing each other the wounds they had received, and congratulating each other on the potential to have interesting battle scars. But when I rolled up my own sleeve to join the festivities, they flinched away and stopped talking to each other."

Zane smiled upon retelling the memory, but the tear tracks down his face hid nothing.

"Anytime they are reminded that I am not human, they are uncomfortable. Repulsed, even. I love them all fiercely, and they deserve more than some abandoned robot whose own creator couldn't even give them their own memories."

"I assure you, the crew loves you as if you're one of their own flesh and blood," Sensei spoke quietly, wanting so badly to tug his student close and bring him home, but knowing he'd be back out on the bridge the next night if he did. "What you mistook as repulsion was most likely concern. They know how it feels to get hurt, they don't know how it feels to you."

"They still deserve someone better. Another human. I refuse to be Jay's responsibility anymore because I can't even fix myself," Zane nodded, more to himself than to his Sensei. "Which is why I am jumping. It would be better for the both of us if you leave now, Sensei. I would hate for you to have to witness this."

"If you won't refrain for me, then think about Jay."

"What about him?" Zane blinked, the statement catching him off guard.

"Jay has never lost a loved one before. You committing suicide would crush him emotionally. We both know that he is upset easily, and he loves you as a brother."

Zane stared at the river, hearing the faintly swirling water mixed with the breeze. It would be calming under a different circumstance.

"Somehow, Zane, I feel as though you haven't told me everything," Sensei hoped his gut was right, and extended a hand out towards his pupil. "You do not have to tell me now or even at all, but please, do me the favor of having a cup of tea with me."

"This is a ploy to keep me from death," Zane said bitterly. "You are requesting that I go with you so you can ease your own guilt. I have seen the same look on the others' faces when they tell me that me being an android 'doesn't matter to them'."

"Allow me to ensure that I have my facts straight," Wu began. "You believe that everyone sees you as only a robot and less than a human, so you intend on killing yourself to give your brothers and sister a better ice elemental?"

"Precisely, as long as you swap out 'believe' for 'know'. I have done my research into elemental bloodlines. I know that the next Ninja of Ice will be chosen based on potential and age relative to their peers, so my replacement would be in their late teens, and have far more ability than I do."

"You are correct in saying that they would be of the correct age, but not that they would be more skilled. You are an incredibly kind, compassionate, and caring person, Zane. The Bounty would never rather another ninja over you."

Silence hung heavily over the pair, fresh tears sliding down Zane's cheeks as he pictured the crew crying as they found his body, imagining their faces in great detail. Would they really get over him as fast he thought they would, or was Sensei correct in saying that they actually did care that deeply for him?

"Once again, Zane," Sensei held his hand up again, this time more shakily. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

Zane could only stare at his teacher for a few more seconds before he ripped his note off of the pole, collapsing into his mentor's arms with long-overdue sobs, and although Wu was deeply concerned for his student, he had a vague feeling that everything would turn out ok in the end, even if it was a long journey to get there.


End file.
